i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
