she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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