whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
