my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
