I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we made out on top of his cat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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