I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
