I just threw up on my dentist
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
