Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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