its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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