I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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