eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
