birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
