Me. At least after what I've been through.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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