how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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