I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
