youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
