WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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