Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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