Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
