I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
