you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my shit smells like andre
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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