Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
