we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
