Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
