Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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