My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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