I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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