ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
