Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
