The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
