you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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