Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
