no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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