I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
