get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
