3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
