I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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