I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
