No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
