Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
