And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am available for nakedness
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
