hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
