Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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