I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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