dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
