Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
