i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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