Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
