Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
