ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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