these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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