google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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