I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The adults are the big ones right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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