I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The ass gains better be worth it
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