Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
