ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
