dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
