Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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