I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
