My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
