so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
