It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
third nipple confirmed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
