The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
