You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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