we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
