before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
