Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
