the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
