If i come over, it means nothing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
