The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
