i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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